Daniel Fisher's Strictly Christmas scoresheet

An awful lot of stuff has happened in the two years since I last did one of these. Fundamental, life changing, disaster movie kind of stuff.

Brexit.

The pandemic.

And, perhaps most distressingly of all, the onset of ‘Strictly fever’ in Chez Fisher.

The battle for daytime ownership of the living room remote was lost years ago.

Of course, the battle for daytime ownership of the living room remote was lost years ago. Shows with actual humans in them succumbing to the incessant screeches of Peppa and Duggi, but this has been a harder one to take. Maybe it’s because Peppa and Duggi aren’t interactive and don’t require me to co-perform foxtrots and cha chas of an early Saturday evening? (In fact it’s definitely because Peppa and Duggi aren’t interactive and don’t require me to co-perform Foxtrots and Cha Chas of an early Saturday evening.)

Anyhow, to encourage a bit of ‘focus' amongst my fellow, advertising-indifferent judges this year, I’ve decided to issue them both with scorecards and give the whole exercise a Strictly judging theme in the hope that we can last the distance.

So, here goes.

Above: Daniel Fisher flanked by his two daughters, Lola [left] and Lettie [right, aka Judge 1 and Judge 2], who watched and rated this year's Christmas commercial offerings, Strictly Come Dancing-style.

First up is Sainsbury’s, an enticing, one shot, product heavy affair that oozes masterful craft and high end production values. Sadly, for me it’s missing the swagger and attitude of yesteryear, but my fellow judges don’t agree. Judge 1 (Lola, aged seven-and-three-quarters) really likes the bit where it stops at the gravy and you can hear sloppy sounds. Judge 2 (Lettie, aged four-and-a-half) likes the gravy a lot too, and really likes the bum sounds, and the bit where the dog jumps. It’s two 7s from them.

It’s missing the swagger and attitude of yesteryear.

Straight onto Boots, who seem to have got the swagger memo and have pulled out all the stops this year, with Tom Hooper behind the camera and Jenna Coleman in front of it giving it the self-assurance of a Christmas feature. It loses it for a moment, with the weird Nan hug at the end, but thankfully for them the dog brings it back. Both Judge 1 and Judge 2 loved this bit, so much so they made me play it again. Twice. 7s again from both of them.

It loses it for a moment, with the weird Nan hug at the end.

Tesco next. This raucous and unashamedly populous effort seems to have perfectly nailed the collective mood of the Great British public (well, most of them). It’s fun, cheeky and bang on, and my fellow judges seem to agree, Judge 1 loving the music and the fact that the old lady was on a motorbike, and that she had a bottle of whiskey when she came to the house (I think it might have been cranberry sauce, but whiskey would have been more appropriate, so let’s not get pedantic). So, it’s getting a 9 from her, whilst Judge 2 also loves the old lady on a motorbike, and is dancing on the coffee table to the music so is giving it an unprecedented 11.

Judge 2 loves the old lady on a motorbike, and is dancing on the coffee table to the music.

The Argos ad has opted for a similar tack, imploring us to say baubles to last year, and whilst the sentiment is one I couldn’t agree with more, it feels like the film is trying a bit too hard at times to convince me it’s onto something and that it knows what’s down. The little judges next to me are quite impressed by some of the trickery though, especially the exploding head bit, so what do I know about what’s down? Judge 1 is giving it a 7, whist Judge 2 is saying 6. 

Next is John Lewis. As a big childhood fan of ET, and an even bigger adulthood fan of Stranger Things, this one had me leaning in from the get go. Surely this is the toughest brief in the advertising galaxy these days, this year’s effort keeps things fresh with an interplanetary twist on a first crush tale, and is as masterfully put together as ever (that track). Judge 2 really loves that the boy gave the girl his favourite jumper but is very worried it might be too small for her so is going with 8. Judge 1 likes this one too and was going to say 9 but, controversially, doesn’t care for the music, which was too sad for her and made her feel like crying (job done, no?) so is marking it down to 8. 

Surely this is the toughest brief in the advertising galaxy these days.

Onto Barbour. I love this brand, and before I loved ET, I loved Paddington, so this one has a slight head start. It doesn’t quite capitalise on this advantage, although it’s not bad and I love the loving recreation of the original animation. Judge 1 and Judge 2 are also Paddington fans, so it’s an 8 and an 8 from both of them.

With all that talent and inventory to play with, it had all the ingredients up its sleeve to deliver a belter but didn’t quite fulfil its promise.

Disney is next. Anything animated has an unfair advantage with Judge 1 and Judge 2, both of whom liked seeing their favourite characters in this one and are both giving it an 8. But for me, it felt like one that got away. With all that talent and inventory to play with, it had all the ingredients up its sleeve to deliver a belter but didn’t quite fulfil its promise, a bit like a Heston dessert from Waitrose.  

Talking of Heston desserts from Waitrose, the next film is one of my favourites of the season. Brilliantly crafted, from the writing all the way through to the sound design, it’s caramelised with a knockout performance from Ashely Jensen playing the kind of aunt every family needs. There’s even a small dollop of Heston, which rescues it for the otherwise non-plussed Judge 1, who recognises him from her favourite show on the tellybox (Crazy Delicious) and instantly raises her score to a 7. There’s not so much here for Judge 2, but she’s copying her sister and pretending she knows who Heston is as well and is giving it a 7 too. 

Brilliantly crafted, from the writing all the way through to the sound design.

Finally, McDonald’s. Judge 1 is giving this an 8, Judge 2 a 9,  but then, when it comes to cute, oversized fluffy green monster things, they are target market bullseye. I’d normally be a little harder to win over, but watching this with my severn-year-old and four-year-old on my knees, my heartstrings are tightly clenched and firmly pulled. With a lump in my throat, it makes me wish that time would stand still and I promise myself to savour every moment of what is ‘Peak Christmas’ in our house. I probably won’t be rushing down for reindeer food any time soon, but it’s probably my favourite of a very good bunch, and McDonald’s is a brand I now love just a little more than I did before. And surely that’s the point?

It’s probably my favourite of a very good bunch, and McDonald’s is a brand I now love just a little more than I did before.