The search for the Loch Ness Mom-ster

I can sleepwalk through my pre-shoot ritual. It’s designed for me to do at 4AM on auto-pilot. 

I orbit through an Airbnb in Texas, pouring Stumptown cold brew and 2% milk into the first glass I find, a wine glass. Hey, a cup is a cup. 

I grab a large breakfast of Gummy Bears and get to work. The next part of my pre-call time prep includes a shower, makeup, and picking out an all-black outfit. 

And before I leave for my 14-hour shoot day ahead, I hook up to an electric breast pump. Why? To avoid pumping in a motorhome bathroom, G&E parking lot or line-producers rental car. 

That’s right, I’m a mom-director.

I settle in and scroll through my phone while I wait for my pump to finish. I am on my first shoot back since my maternity leave. I have had two kids, most recently six months ago. And as the pump hums away and I sip watery coffee at 4:30AM, I find myself scrolling the internet looking for a blog post, Instagram caption, or even a BTS selfie of a new mother working as a commercial director. 

We are storytellers by nature, and the internet is designed for people to over-share, so why are cine-mamas so elusive?

I’m eating Gummy Bears by the fistful, looking for any sign of life that will give me a sense of community instead of feeling so free-solo heading into this shoot, never mind the rest of my career. 

I am looking for more mom-directors–– like a bathroom-dwelling conspiracy theorist, I feel like I am on the hunt for the Loch Ness Mom-ster.

Even if, according to the DGA, only 17% of directors are women and even fewer are mothers, the net number of that statistic surely can’t be zero. She has to exist somewhere! We are storytellers by nature, and the internet is designed for people to over-share, so why are these cine-mamas so elusive?

Oh, I wish I could tell you all the things I’ve Googled how to do in order to fulfil my mom duties from set, but the list would be too long. As everyone has become an expert at working remotely, I’ve found myself perfecting the art of momming remotely. Am I good at it? Who knows! No one’s talked about it in any substantive, easily findable way and reported back. 

Later tonight, I will venture to try and remotely persuade my older kid to get into his pyjamas, as I supervise my younger one eating dinner, all via FaceTime. We’ll see how that goes. But, I can’t be the first mom to do this, right?

If we can figure out how to send a rover to Mars and grow synthetic meat in labs, making commercial production more parent-friendly should be a cakewalk by comparison.

A lot of motherhood has been intuitive for me since it’s largely the same job as being a live-action commercial film director. After all, with the unpredictable hours, jet-setting, and running on fumes of excitement with no sleep, parenting is, at its core, a never-ending night shoot that goes into OT for a very opinionated client. 

The connection between the two is obvious, so why the secrecy? Have mothers in directing gone into hiding? Have they shut away their mom-ness so their parenthood isn’t held against them at work? Whether the bias is conscious or unconscious, it is nevertheless present. 

If we can figure out how to send a rover to Mars and grow synthetic meat in labs, making commercial production more parent-friendly should be a cakewalk by comparison.

To be clear, I’m not advocating for some dystopia where every day is “bring your kid to work day”. That would not work for multiple reasons. 

The main reason is that there is a special snack table on set, and we must keep this knowledge from our kids. If they find out about crafty, they will demand crafty at home. We cannot have that!

Both mom and director are master puppeteers, pulling strings and making magic happen in their respective realms.

We should have more openness about the balancing act of being a mom in this industry. We can even embrace the perks! There are many uncanny parallels between the roles of motherhood and commercial directing. These two seemingly disparate worlds are, in fact, intertwined in a beautiful dance of resilience and tenacity. 

Being a mom, straight up, has made me a better director.

Both mom and director are master puppeteers, pulling strings and making magic happen in their respective realms. The art of decision-making comes into play when making choices that impact the well-being of their “charges”. The talent of meticulously orchestrating the symphony known as “getting the kids out the door anywhere else, on time” is perfectly akin to coordinating different departments for a harmonious shoot. 

We learn on our feet, adapt quickly, nurture new talents, communicate, and problem-solve on an executive level at a breakneck speed.

Motherhood and film directing share a unique kinship that demands recognition – even celebration! The connection between these two worlds is so undeniable and yet, when I’m looking for it on the internet, crickets.